Certain in the midst of our Uncertainty


Last night I painfully struggled with a most terrible dread that I'm making a huge mistake leaving a place I've come to love and forge out a great way of life and security. And even when my wife left and returned back to the U.S. knowing God was calling her to move on, I at first was most certain God certainly had me here to continue his work. However, in about 7 months with both of us staying in prayer, the Lord began moving my heart through bouts of depression and deep discomfort to wrap up my work here and move back home. I want to be obedient, yet there is a terrible struggle. I've been in the questioning stage: "did i hear it right?" "how can I just drop everything I've worked so hard to gain in the past two years to now just throw it all away?" "What am I going to do?" "Why can't I be like others in life and just settle down?" I've prayed in earnest and asked God to help me and strenghten me and show me clearly.He has most graciously. In the past 2 two consecutive days I have been lead to find these things to read and I'd like to share them. This is where God certainly calls us out of our comfort zones on a routine basis and how uncertainty is a part... a natural part of our Christian walk. I sent my wife two emails to express to her my battle.  I was gripped with fear trying to understand exactly what to do. I was searching for a road map, a recipe, a step by step guide to precisely tell me what to do.  BUT God doesn't work like this.  I found something as follows:

In my devotions I studied My Utmost For His Highest", Oswald Chambers, April 29: "Our natural inclination is to be so precise - tryng always to forecast accurately what will happen next - that we look on uncertainity as a bad thing. We think we must reach some predetermined goal, but this is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently we do not put down our roots.. Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life - gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means to be uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally met with a sigh of saddness but it should be an expression of breatless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task he has placed before us, he begins to fill our lives with surprises. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical , and are limited in the belief that our beliefs are complete and settled. " END QUOTE...

 Do you know for the past 40 years of my life I've been very aware of a longing a yearning to have security especially a secure place to call home. And every single time I have said, "Yeah, I finally can set some roots!" God has moved through hundreds of different circumstances and said, "Come up hither, ..............................." Wow, amazing praise God.Now this doesn't mean I have 100 % confidence without a worry or care in the world CERTAINLY NOT in fact this only gives me more dread in my flesh to wonder what might be next, but at the same moment my heart feels a definite rush of excitement as a child waking up on Christmas morning..... Praise God. May our Lord give me great grace to sustain me in his perfect will, amen...


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